February 28, 2012
"It is one of the more unjustifiable pretensions of our age that it measures time and experience by the clock. There are obviously a host of considerations and values which a clock cannot possibly measure. There is above all the fact that time spent on a journey, particularly a journey which sets in motion the abiding symbolism of our natures, is different from the time devoured at such a terrifying speed in the daily routine of what is accepted, with such curious complacency, as our normal lives. This seems axiomatic to me; the truer the moment and the greater its content of reality, the slower the swing of the universal pendulum."

Laurens van der Post, “Venture to the Interior,” in which he documents a journey to his mother’s homeland in Africa.

This is something I can wholly agree with from my trip to Viet Nam this past summer. Time was agonizingly drawn out, like a dream that morphed fluidly from one scene to the next, spanning days, weeks, months. But everything was real, sharply so, and it was almost painful to live through. 

January 12, 2012

The van rolled in past the gates, gravel from the main road audibly crunching beneath the tires. The few kids running around the fountain in the driveway stopped when they saw us—their heads cocked sideways, eyebrows scrunched, probably wondering what this strange car with these strange people were doing here. I made eye contact with a little girl wearing pink through the window. She then turned to her companion, said something, laughed and then the small group of them ran off, away from my line of sight. They’re skinny. All of them were so skinny.

Everyone unloaded from the van. I stayed behind, almost frozen. My friend Nam turned to me, “Don’t be afraid. They’re people. Nothing will happen.”

“I’m not afraid. I’m just—I’m not.”

I stepped down from the van and looked around at the expansive property. The pink columns, the pink walls, children’s laughter somewhere behind the main entrance—it all felt too happy. Too happy for a place where people come to die.

Let me reiterate. I wasn’t afraid. I was…

—-

The start of something I can’t finish. Maybe I’m afraid to. Maybe I don’t have enough motivation. I pitched this story. Rejection killed the writing mood.

My first visit to the Mai Hoa AIDS Centre in Cu Chi, Sai Gon. 

1:46am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPvbexEef9dK
  
Filed under: incomplete Sai Gon Cu Chi 
November 3, 2011
Si Hoang: from kingdom to paradise

November 2, 2011

Bột chiên. Rice pastry mixed with egg and delicious spices, drizzled with a tangy sweet soy sauce. 

I thought I’d be sick of Vietnamese food by the time I was back in Canada. 

Not so.

October 24, 2011
Interlude

I tried to prepare myself for what would happen when I came back to Toronto, when this blog would become defunct. I brainstormed for the perfect final post—something that encapsulates my experiences in a place that means so many things to me. I thought long and hard about what words would paint perfectly the soul of a foreign homeland, an industrializing state, a contradiction of desperate Westernization and steadfast Vietnamese cultural tradition, and above all, the history of my people, my family.

But then my Cathay Pacific flight landed at Pearson, and then my cab pulled up to my parents’ driveway, and then my suitcases piled up in my room and then I went out with friends and then I moved back downtown and then school started and then, and then, and then.

I struggled these past couple months to write the concluding paragraph of that chapter of my life, to no avail. It refuses to be written.

Because maybe that wasn’t a “chapter” of my life. Maybe that was an opening theme which finishes but doesn’t end. Or like the first movement of a long and complicated classical sonata (you know the ones I’m talking about). Its notes twinkle throughout, choosing to come back strong in a reprise or ending but only after they have coloured the life of the piece.

Vignettes of Viet Nam lives on. The sounds playing in the background will occasionally emerge to become a passage, a movement, a cadence—whatever it needs to be.

6:28pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZPvbexB48eJ9
Filed under: reflection